On narcissism and the poles of life force

The vital energy of life for Kohut stems from a healthy self, which is characterized by a balanced dynamic between ideals, ambitions, and joy. In Freud’s terms, however, the vital energy of life was libidinal energy rooted in the id, and the ego (which holds ideals, ambitions, and emotions like joy)  was not a source of such energy. 

According to Freud, libidinal energy through the psycho sexual developmental stages is first projected onto inanimate objects such as childhood toys, which serve as transitional objects during the formation of the self, the distinction between “me” and “not me”. This energy is later expected to be projected onto animated objects, such as their parents, by forming dynamic social relations. He was proposing that people who had difficulties in this transition develop a narcissistic libido, which is a libidal energy directed inwardly toward one’s own ego rather than on external ‘objects’ -the term object in psychoanalytical definition includes people in social interactions because they are internalized images of the people represented as ‘objects’ in the psyche. 

On the other hand, Kohut believed that narcissistic energy was necessary for vitality and meaning in life. The point was to be able to transform the infantile forms of narcissistic traits into more mature forms while going through the developmental stages, and that the issue was not around self-love but was in the injuries during the process of the formation of “self”. From here on, we will explore how Kohut explains the process of self-formation, his definition of narcissism, and the life forces.

The formation of the self, through which the primary narcissism is transformed, is realized in the relationship between the child and her environment, which is mainly composed of her caregivers. A healthy baby, during the first months after birth, is in the energy of grandiosity, meaning that she does not perceive her being as something separate from the world around her. This is because, at this stage of life, there is no yet a distinct formation of “me” as something separate; instead, she experiences her mother as an extension of her being, someone who understands and fulfills her needs, as though they were one entire being. At this stage of life, the baby experiences her own being as omnipotent, capable of everything. This is the stage of infantile narcissism in Kohut's terms. However, it is natural that there would be failures in understanding or responding to her needs, through which the child would start to understand that she is not the omnipotent being, but rather she is vulnerable and dependent on the caregiver. Through this realization, infantile narcissism is transformed by the formation of two poles and a branch in the psyche: the idealized pole of the self, the ambitious pole of the self, and the branch of grandiose narcissistic energy.

The idealized pole of the self, which is a transformation of the baby’s sense of perfection, is the first formation of the self. At this stage, by realizing that she is not an omnipotent being, she feels vulnerable to any danger from outside and develops a need to feel safe again. Thus, she projects this perfection onto the caregiver so that the world becomes safe again in the presence of the caregiver, who, for her, is a perfect being. However, between four and six years of age, the child is expected to become aware that her caregiver is not perfect, but she is a being with flaws, and to re-introject the idea back into herself. The re-introjection of perfection is transformed into an ability to have ideals through which one can aim at perfection through the realization of those ideals. 

In this sense, not giving up on the idea of perfection but keeping it in the form of ideals provides us with a source of vital life which “pulls us”, gives us goals and a direction for the future. The children whose perfection was held by their caregivers will develop this healthy, idealized pole of the self. Holding the perfection means containing the perfection, which is the ability to respond to the needs of the baby well enough so that the baby can actually perceive the caregiver as someone perfect. Perfection cannot be projected onto any object -in this case, it is the caregiver- unless the quality of the object can actually hold/contain/respond to the projected perfection.  

However, the children whose caregivers fail at holding/containing the perfection cannot project it onto their caregivers. Thus, they cannot re-introject it either. They may become adults who perceive themselves as someone who lacks something because they compare themselves to their ideals. Although they can obtain ideals, they may not have enough energy either from a strong self that holds the re-introjected perfection or from the pole of ambition, and may feel that they can never reach their ideals—a feeling which can lead to depression with guilt. Also, it is important to note that when we lose ideals, we can lose direction, go into depressive states, or engage in excessive consumption.

A person at the pole of the idealization lives in the world of ideals rather than realising them because when an ideal is realised, it never ends up being the same as it was imagined ideally, and it is painful for the person to face her non-greatness. In the healthy development of self-concept, one needs to move from the fantasy of greatness into the feeling of specialness in reality. 

The pole of ambitions is the source of energy that motivates us to be special and to be admired by others. At the stage of forming the pole of ambition, the child transforms the feeling of being special only because she exists into feeling so because of achieving something. This energy is the source of motivation that “pushes us” in life towards realizing our aims and gives us energy to move forward. The pole of ambition is what strengthens one's autonomy by providing the willpower, so that life is not just a chain of reactions led by wishes, desires, and needs, but is also guided by personal agency. 

The formation of the pole of ambition is realized through “optimal frustration” in a given task, which provides optimal difficulty that is motivating enough for the extension of any given skills through challenges and achievements. The child around this stage learns the rules to develop skills and adapt to life circumstances. The toilet training is one of the first circumstances by which the optimal frustration can be experienced as the child learns that learns she cannot leave her waste anytime, anywhere she wants. She develops skills to manage her emotional and strategic difficulties while postponing her need in the search for an appropriate circumstance for it.

The child at this stage also develops abilities that increase her psychic capacity by internalizing the qualities of self-objects, in Freud's terms, a process of what Kohut calls “transmuting internalization”. It is when the mother stops breastfeeding, the child develops strategies for calming herself down based on the prior experiences that she has with her caregiver. Through transmuting internalization, the child integrates the qualities of the internalized self-object into her own psyche. The introjection of lost objects for Freud is what mostly forms the self, but for Kohut, it is the capacity of the caregiver in responding to the needs and providing care that forms the self mostly. Around that stage, as the child internalizes the mothering skills, she exhibits similar mothering activities with her toys. However, this self that is newly formed and still in the process of formation is very vulnerable to the environmental responses. For this reason, the children who are emphatically mirrored would govern a sense of self with its specialness, but if their grandiosity is shamed or put down, their sense of self will be experienced with shame or timidity. When such failures happen chronically, the person later in her life may find herself at the extreme ends of the poles. For example, a child whose grandiose energy was put down or shamed, does not allow herself to feel special and strong enough to achieve her goals which leads her to get stuck in her ideals that she feels like she can never reach or she would be driven too much by the ambition pole and may not be able to rest but must always seek accomplishments to feel fulfilled otherwise finds herself in self-loathing. For such a person, it is difficult to find time to enjoy life playfully, or her work lacks meaning.

The branch of grandiose narcissism is not a pole in the self, but it is a feeling of being special just because of existing in the world. This enables the person to enjoy aesthetic experiences and be productive creatively rather than always being pulled by the ideals or pushed by the ambitions. This self-affirming energy comes from a playful attitude in seeking higher complexity in life without being pressured to do so. The person who is driven too much by grandiose narcissism would always seek joy in life with little energy to produce, which can lead to boredom and meaninglessness in life.

In a healthy psyche, the person is driven by the life energy provided by the balanced dynamic between the poles of the self. An imbalance occurs due to the ‘accidents’ during the process of self formation, which are mainly the difficulties experienced by the caregivers at mirroring the grandiose energy, holding idealizations, or optimally frustrating the child without blaming or shaming the child for her actions. The accidents may lead the child to seek isolation due to shame and vulnerability. However, the repair of such injuries is possible in selfobject transferences occurring during psychotherapy. In psychoanalytic psychotherapy, the client who uses self one of self-object transference perceives the therapist as an extension of themselves, which is the reason why they do not perceive the therapist as an external object but as a self-object. Kohut describes three types of selfobject transferences: mirroring, idealising, and twin.  The person would be unconsciously projecting the need for affirmation, an idealised figure, and similarity in the relationship with the therapist. The therapists who work with these transferences accompany the person to reorganise the self in the relationship with the therapist, a process during which a more balanced dynamic in her psyche between these poles is established.

Reference

Why it is good to be good (2010) by John K Rıker